


May the force be with us

by foggysundays



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, Humor, Lightsabers, Sam suffers, Star Wars References
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-24
Updated: 2017-06-24
Packaged: 2018-11-18 15:53:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11293890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foggysundays/pseuds/foggysundays
Summary: Dean gets his hands on a lightsaber. Sam suffers the consequences.





	May the force be with us

**Author's Note:**

> [Link to prompt](http://spnkink-meme.livejournal.com/123357.html?replyto=43867357)

„ _Sammy_!“

Dean´s voice was breathy, barley more than a whisper and Sam was not sure what it said about their relationship that he instantly recognized all the disbelieve and awe carried in those two syllables.

If he didn’t know better, he´d say his brother had just found an entire garage full of spare parts for the Impala. Or some long lost Zeppelin records. Or maybe just boxes filled with porn magazines, one could never be sure with Dean.

But his tone also carried an urgency that Sam´s little-brother-instincts couldn’t ignore.

Sam frowned and closed the drawer he had been sifting through.

The two Winchesters were currently cataloguing an old storage room which had belonged to an old friend of Bobby´s. The man had been a great hunter in his time and one of the lucky ones who had managed to survive long enough for old age to kill him: eighty-nine years _on earth_ was something only very few of them could boast with.

Bobby had asked them to drive over and snatch up everything useful. His friend had been a bit eccentric and apparently also a giant geek: next to ancient books and invaluable occult objects there was also a surprisingly large collection of comic books, all sorts of weird gadgets and large boxes filled with science fiction stuff.

Naturally, Dean had immediately and selflessly volunteered to go through _those_ parts of the room, leaving Sam to fight his way through dusty tomes (and, creepily enough, an assembly of bones he was pretty sure were human), all the while doing his best to avoid touching any _other_ objects that would turn him into a pug for the next thirty minutes.

Yeah, when he´d said eccentric, he´d meant _Eccentric_.

With a capital E.

Seriously, that guy had a very weird sense of humor… One that was clearly appreciated by Dean - the jerk had laughed his ass off and even taken pictures before finally taking pity and helping an anxiously barking Sam. Bastard.

Anyway, Sam had always prided himself on being the level-headed brother, so he was perfectly capable of forgetting old grudges in the face of an obviously earth-shattering discovery. If the look in his sibling´s eyes was anything to go by, this was something _major_ , and so Sam followed Dean´s reverent gaze. And immediately stiffened.

Oh _crap_.

Sam fucking Winchester, hunter extraordinaire and bane of all supernatural creatures could do nothing but stare in abject horror at the object in his brother´s hand.

No! _God no_!

He didn’t quite manage to suppress the tremor in his legs, the shaking of his hands.

What had he ever done to deserve such punishment! Hadn´t he already suffered enough, had atoned for his sins?

Christ, he needed a drink. Better make that two. Maybe he should find a way to make that pug-turning permanent. Volunteer for the next mars mission. Move to North Korea.

_Anything_ was better than being stuck with his brother right now!

 

* * *

 

 

Two hours later found Sam sitting in front of the storage room of doom, a half empty bottle of Johnnie Walkers in his hands (Hey, he´d made a rhyme! Maybe he could become a recluse and write poems or something).

His gaze was fixed on the giant baby his big macho brother had morphed into; buzzing and whooshing sounds filled the air, accompanied by the occasional shout or grunt from Dean, who was currently busy jumping around and fighting invisible foes. The idiot had even managed to pull a fucking Jedi robe from the Impala…

Sam was pretty sure Dean´d owned that thing for _years_ now, had probably hidden it in one of Baby´s secret compartments. His brother hadn’t even bothered to deny that, he´d just grinned and pulled it over his head before running off into the sunset.

Sam sighed and took another long pull form his bottle.

“What is your brother doing?”

Sam was very proud of himself for only wincing the tiniest bit at the sound of the unexpected voice.

Their angel was suddenly standing right next to him, gaze firmly fixed on Dean´s antics, confusion clearly visible in the tilt of his head.

“Practicing, apparently.”

“ _Practicing_.”

“Yes. He ‘needs to get a feel for the weapon and how it´s balanced’. _His_ words, not mine. My personal opinion is that he just wants to chop shit up and reenact his favorite movie scenes”

Sam gestured vaguely towards a huge pile of chopped up wood, metal and other stuff. Dean really was having the time of his life.

“Favorite movie scenes?”

“Don’t even ask. Here, better have some whiskey, too. This is gonna take a while”

 

* * *

 

 

“I think your brother has finally lost it. What the hell is that idjit doing now!”

“Becoming one with the force? I don’t know, Bobby! He´s even sleeping with that thing now!... It´s even worse than the time he found out about glow-in-the-dark-condoms…. – no, you really, _really_ don’t want to know, believe me. I´m still having nightmares… I think even the Impala is starting to get jealous! I´m seriously thinking about sabre-napping that damn thing before the idiot chops his own hand off. You think Cas can hide it somewhere on Jupiter?”

 

* * *

 

 

“Oh, _come on_ , Sammy! It will be fun!”

Sam had no idea how 6' 1" of heavily armed muscle could manage to look like a five-year-old asking for a candy bar, but Dean pulled it off flawlessly.

“ _Please_ , just this once! I´ll do laundry for two weeks straight! I´ll even divide by colors! Come on, Sammy! Even you have to admit that it´s the perfect weapon for a vamp hunt! It´ll cauterize the wound immediately, no bloodstains, no messy cleanup! And this baby here is cutting through bone like a knife through warm butter… We really, really should get you one of those too! We´d look _totally_ badass!”

“ _Dean_...”

“Three weeks? I´ll even stop watching porn on your laptop for, like, a month!”

“Dear God, FINE! You can keep your fucking lightsaber! But you are NOT wearing that damn Jedi robe!.... Dean, no! …. DEAN! …… God, you jerk! I hate you so much right now!”

Dean grinned.

“I know. Bitch.”

“DUDE! You did NOT just Han Solo me!”

 

* * *

 

 

“I find your lack of faith disturbing”

“Dude, if you make one more, ONE MORE fucking Star Wars reference, I´m gonna shove that fucking thing so far up your ass that you´ll light up like a Christmas tree! And even _you_ won´t get laid by offering some poor girl to show her your lightsaber! That´s so fucking corny, how did you even _think_ of a line like that!?”

“Twenty bucks?”

“Twenty bucks!”

 

* * *

 

 

“Told you, Sammy”

“Oh, _shut up_!”

 

* * *

 

 

“Dean, I´m not gonna fight you with a fucking stick”

“And this is _exactly_ why I wanted to get another lightsaber for you, bitch! Just think of the _epic_ fights we could have! I´ll be Obi-Wan, you can be Darth Vader. Or I´ll buy you a damn bikini and you can be Leia. I bet we could even do that bun thing with your hair!”

“…. And this is supposed to convince me _how_ exactly?”

“Come on, Chewbacca! Fucking fight me already! You won´t even have to dress up for that one! The hair´s fine and you´re doing more growling than actual talking anyw – Sam! GET OFF ME! SAM! Oh, it is SO on! I´m gonna _kick_ your hairy ass!”

 

* * *

 

 

“Are you sure Dean has not been hexed, Sam? Or cursed? It´s also not uncommon for humans to suffer from hallucinations due to great amounts of stress. Maybe we should consult some kind of doctor?”

“He´s _fine_ , Cas! Don’t worry, the only thing wrong with him is that he still has the mind-set of a twelve-year-old. And he knows exactly that this pisses me off.”

They looked over to where Dean was currently doing his best so sneak his favorite weapon into the back pocket of his jeans.

It was a fucking obsession, really. Dean had even started to dig for runes or spells that would enhance the lightsabers powers. Because right now the weapon was pretty much useless for anything requiring more than a chopped off body part. Demons, ghosts – it was totally useless for that kind of thing

Not that Dean gave a shit about that: he´d just shrug and continue to carry the lightsaber around. Wherever Dean went, the sabre went with him - he loved to whip it out at the slightest opportunity.

Yeah, dick jokes. Sam was really losing his touch.

He had tried everything in his power to get rid of that thing. Had spent hours looking for the power source and how to turn it off. Had hidden it in the Bunker. Put it into a curse-prove box and buried it in the forest – no dice. Dean had found it. Every. Single. Time.

 

* * *

 

 

The day they discovered that lightsabers were apparently lethal for Wendigo, Sam gave up.

He´d never get rid of that weapon now. Never.

 

* * *

 

 

“Dude! NO FUCKING WAY! You have a lightsaber?! A real, functional _lightsaber_! And you use it for hunting! This is so, so awesome! Can I try it? Holy Chewbacca, just think of all the fun we could have at Conventions! _Dean_ , I really, really need to you to let me borrow it! Just think of all the chicks I could score! ....”

Good Lord, now there was TWO of them!

Sam let his head bang onto the kitchen table.

He should really just take Cas and run. Maybe move to Australia or something - didn’t really matter as long as it was far, far away from Dean and Charlie and that freaking lightsaber.


End file.
